i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
