An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i think i just lost a toe
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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