new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
