i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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