I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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