All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
