this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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