he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
