I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
