So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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