he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
