I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
