I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
