No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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