I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
