would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
