your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
