I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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