yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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