I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
