I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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