Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
