I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
