shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
