oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
