the condom got lost in my hair
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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