Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you traded sex for a burrito?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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