she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
