if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
