Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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