I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
