Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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