I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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