good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
