We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
