I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
