if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We need to rekindle our bromance
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
