can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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