It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
