u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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