I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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