PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
