is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is wine microwaveable?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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