Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
