New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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