I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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