yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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