You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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