i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
