well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
