new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
