mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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